I looked at my own cervix.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
