You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
