Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
