Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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