how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I met the friendliest cop last night
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
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