i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
