i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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