Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
