Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
