see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
