last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
we're making bets on your personal life
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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