i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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