fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I had to cum in my sink.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
