Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
