To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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