Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
