I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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