I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
