I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize