how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
