I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
