Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
