So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
