the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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