I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
