Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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