Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
