im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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