this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
