My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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