so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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