the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
