this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
