It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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