I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
