Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
