It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
