when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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