I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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