Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
false alarm, still single
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