Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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