how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
