I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
