Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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