There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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