Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
