he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
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he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
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and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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