you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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