one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
