I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
