I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Randomize
