is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
