I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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