You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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