I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
