I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
me + whiskey = a bad person
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize