I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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