I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
