I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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