A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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