i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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