wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i think i have herpe
just one?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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