Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
