I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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