Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
