Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
