Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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