Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
