Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
