The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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