Sorry, I don't speak sober.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
