I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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