This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
